Confidence for Scaredy Cats (Like Me)

Is lack of self-confidence the one big obstacle blocking you from doing what you love?

When I first met Marty, he longed to pursue a career he’d really love. He wanted a job with meaning and that felt purposeful. He knew having such a job and career would transform his life. He wanted it so intensely. When I asked him what prevented him from getting that, he said, “I just don’t have the self-confidence I need. How do I get that?”

My answer is this: confidence comes after you take action, not before. If you want confidence to do these things, you need take steps to get them. Marty had allowed his fears and lack of confidence in his skills and abilities to prevent him from taking action of any kind. They kept him stuck, and he wanted to be free of them.

Marty was skeptical that the answer was to take action. He was sure the way out was to make the fear go away, or wait for his confidence to build. He accused me of being too confident to understand what he was dealing with.

That’s when I shared with Marty my big secret: I am a Scaredy Cat at heart.

It’s true. Fear and worry were my constant companions. I realized this years ago. I was frustrated that others were having experiences and enjoying life in a way that I felt so far from. I had career goals, and life dreams, and I wasn’t going after any of them. Then I stumbled upon a copy of the book “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway” by Susan Jeffers. The title sums up the lesson I learned. If I was going to have the career and life I wanted, I’d have to take action even if I was scared. I decided right then I wasn’t about to let my fearful nature derail me from having the life I wanted.

So I began to practice, by taking one small risk per day. I started by talking to strangers on the street, or saying good morning to the CEO of the company. I would ask a coworker I barely knew to lunch. I also took classes in things that interested me. As long as it scared me (and wasn’t physically dangerous), it counted. Over time, I got comfortable with the feeling of fear.

Today, I view fear and worry as my friend. It’s simply the way I operate (though sometimes my friends or coach have to remind me). When I embark on a new adventure, I only get concerned if I’m not fearful. Today, others view me as confident, and some even see me as fearless. I am not fearless, I assure you. But I am confident. That confidence came from taking action and facing the fear.

So, if you are waiting for the fear to go away, and looking to build your confidence, my advice to you is that of Susan Jeffers, “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway!Take small, consistent actions, toward what you want, and your confidence will grow.

What are you letting fear and insecurity keep you from today? Would you share that with me on my blog?

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Client Stories

What did you need at the time you hired Lori?


I wanted to work in my industry and didn't know how to progress any further than I was. I knew I had much experience that could be put in the industry of my choice but not how to parlay that experience. I needed guidance.

What did you and Lori do together?


Many, many things. Overall, to get clear in my mind what I offered and really what I wanted in a work environment. Every week was another epiphany after another. One of my favorites was the "knowing your core values". Having had some experience on this subject I was all ready to dive-in. Core Values is key. Knowing your core values. 

Lori makes it so easy to pinpoint. One time we were speaking about something else and we both realized...OMG...that is a core value for me. I hadn't written it down before, but discovered later that if ever a core value fit me...it was the one I mentioned at that time.  Knowing that piece of information also answered a long standing question in my head.  One of the "why's" as to my constant upset with other places I had worked.

What were the results from working with Lori?


Many things. One is a great looking resume. I thought, wow, I look good and it was all from work I had already done elsewhere but didn't know how to say it or present it. Another is the clarity of knowing where I will feel good when I do work. What I really want and with the kind of people I really want to work with on a daily basis. This entire process is so valuable. The best money I ever spent and I am not kidding or exaggerating. I was only hoping it would be valuable and it really was valuable.< I know stuff and it has value and is marketable. Lori showed me those things and it gives me confidence.

Anything else you’d like to add?


Lori delivers above and beyond. The highest quality of exchange, 'more than you expected.' I told my friends this over and over: 'I wish I had her 10-20-even 30 years ago.' Every one, and I mean EVERYONE, needs a Lori. Her understanding,patience, how she problem solves, putting things in simple terms, was mind blowing. I wish I could that well. I present a problem and she could turn it around and yes...another epiphany.

Lori, is worth every penny. It isn't about a title. It is about enjoying everyday doing work you love with people you like and are like minded. You'll know what you are looking for when you interview.  I never say this, but I will say it here. Lori is a major key into the rest of my life doing what I always wanted to do. That is: Being happy doing what I do, everyday. Something I have been saying for years. Allowing Sherlock...to be Sherlock.  Finding my people. They are out there and now I know what I am looking for in that respect.

LORI ROCKS!!!!!!

Sherlock Ganz, Los Angeles, CA